Most people who've had a spouse ask them for a divorce can attest that it's a devastating experience. However, being the one to ask for a divorce can be extremely difficult as well. Every relationship is different, so there's no one way that's best for everyone. However, one couple who runs a divorce mediation firm and has counseled numerous couples through the divorce process has some suggestions for making the conversation as painless as possible.
-- Choose a time and place that's appropriate. You generally should be alone and uninterrupted by children or others. Allow enough time for a discussion. If your spouse has been going through a rough patch, such as losing a job, or if there are major events going on in the family, wait until things have settled down.-- Have something prepared to say. You may even want to role play with a therapist or someone else. This includes being aware of how your spouse is feeling. Does he or she know that there are problems or is this going to be a shock? Being prepared means being ready for whatever reaction your spouse may have. It could be anger, despair, resignation or any number of responses, both immediately and over time.If you're concerned for your safety, however, have a plan in place to exit the situation safely if necessary before you break the news. Your family law attorney can likely provide advice and resources.-- Don't use this conversation to start hashing out the details of property division, custody and support. There will be plenty of time for that with the help of your lawyer or mediator. If you start promising things to your spouse because you feel bad for hurting him or her, you may regret it.-- Be firm, but gentle. It's important for your spouse to understand that you've given this a great deal of thought and made up your mind. This is not the time to show anger, frustration or level blame. Focus on "I" rather than "you" statements.